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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Misery

I am a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien and his works. I have read LOTR, Lord of The Rings, every year except the past two. I have read The Hobbit every year except for the last four. Time allotment has not been kind in recent years. There are great expectations when it comes to these two stories. Peter Jackson received my approval with the LOTR movies even though I was disappointed with some of the detail.

What do I expect in a movie version of The Hobbit? I expect a book brought to cinematic life. If the movie must deviate a bit, the main themes can not be sacrificed. You can’t miss the point. In a nutshell, I expect much. Peter Jackson attempted to recreate The Hobbit from his mind’s image. He felt it necessary to add back history to the story. It leaves you wondering where you are. Much of the back history is unnecessary and worthless to the story.

MONEY! That is my first impression. He did it for money and not love of the story. That is impression I developed while watching this grueling and tortuous task.

With much expectation, I placed the movie into the DVD player. The movie left the theaters in a quick manner, and I never had the opportunity to watch it. The beginning was Peter Jackson trying to tie the Hobbit with LOTR. It was not appropriate for those that have read the books. There are some incorrect details. I can only assume he was trying to attract an audience that never watched the three LOTR movies. This I can mostly ignore. We waste five or ten minutes with this. I don’t remember for time began to do strange things as I endured this flick.

The introduction of Gandalf and Bilbo didn’t have the same dialog effect that I remember from the book. I’m not sure what was going on. One of my favorite parts of the book is the “Good morning” routine between Gandalf and Bilbo.

Now begins my journey. The dwarves began to arrive at Bilbo’s house. This is where I sympathize with Bilbo. I couldn’t wait for the Dwarves to leave, and I knew they were going to be on my journey. This scene lasted two, three weeks at the minimum? I can’t even tell you how long it lasted. What I can say is I was hoping I would fall asleep in order to escape from my boredom. I won’t bore your with this dull action of dwarves living it up in Bilbo’s house.

The dwarves looked either cartoonish or human. Thorin is all too human looking while Fili and Kili took the wrong turn in Albuquerque and ended up in the wrong movie. Bombur looked like a fat German. I guess Dwalin and Gloin looked most like dwarves. The dwarves left me empty as they did Bilbo.

Thorin Oakenshield. He was more human than dwarf. Even though he was the leader, he didn’t appear to be one. This character was miscast. More likely, the character design was poor. He just looked like a brooding human to me and nothing like a dwarf.

While I am on dwarves, Kili was the pretty boy of the group. He looked and acted like a human. When you need a dwarf make one. As the youngest of the dwarves, I can understand the limited beard and young looking individual, but he was too human.

Now we drag onto the journey. This was about the sixth year of my life that was being lost. I discovered some type of background about goblins fighting dwarves and some type of revenge or whatever it was. It just didn’t fit with the story. The dwarves were being tracked by goblins and the one-armed CGI character. Yep, the one-armed man turned into a goblin that was a poorly created CGI character. This made no sense was had no use other than filler to in order to create three movies. Did I mention money earlier?

This is my rambling paragraph. It reflects my attention to the movie. Okay, they do something, so here is blah, blah, blah and more blah. Peter Jackson’s spell was clearly broken. At some point they talk about the Necromancer, a minor character that you only hear about it the book. The character becomes important for LOTR but not here! In fact the Necromancer really isn’t a character. Radagast comes into view as some type of loony. He never appears in The Hobbit but somehow has a role in the movie. This guy is a special character like Gandalf, but he’s treated as some type of comic relief. Talk about insult.

There was another scene with the trolls. Instead of a serious scene with trolls, you get a bit of brain dead trolls that are not impressive or frightening. Nope, these trolls are stupid and incompetent. How they function is an unknown. I don’t know if this happened before Radagast or not. I lost not only interest but my sense of what is going in this dull movie.

I’ll jump to Bilbo and Gollum meeting. I really do not remember much since I was no longer into the movie and was never entertained. The initial interaction between the two is wholly wrong! This is no where near what happened in the book. Jackson goes Quentin Tarantino here. The only positive part about this interaction is Gollum. Gollum’s CGI is as good as it was in LOTR.
Okay, I had another lucid moment where the dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf are being chased by the goblins and wargs (wolf-like creatures). Once again Jackson tries too hard to create who knows what. The group are stuck in trees and there are flames involved. That part is in the book. The location in the movie and Thorin’s heroics are not. Forgotten is the scene where Bilbo is saved by Dori when they escape into the trees to get away from the wargs and goblins. Jackson chooses to ignore what makes the characters real. Instead they are stupid goofballs. Oh, there are Eagles that do save them.

I can’t go on any further because I chose a more appropriate action. I went to bed.
Watching the first installment of a movie trilogy is like buying crab cakes with little crab and a lot of filler. Why do I want to pay for two more crab cakes if all I get is filler. This movie could have been completed in one movie. I do not need nor want senseless drivel about Radagast whose not in the book or some scene concerning the Necromancer who is not in the book either.

If you are not aware of the book The Hobbit, you may appreciate the movie more. Many of the problems remain. The beginning is dull and slow. If there was supposed to be any light moments in the movie, my children were never laughing. One of my children expressed disappointment and boredom. What you do have is a lot of senseless fighting in which most have nothing to do with the story. I have read the book many times and could not follow the movie.

For me I would give it 0/10. If I knew nothing of the books, it would be at most a 3/10. I prefer the campy cartoon version from 1977 by Rankin and Bass and that doesn’t say much. The Hobbit is not a dark book like LOTR, but Jackson can’t help make it into one. I can sum this movie up. I don’t care about the movie, and I won’t watch the next two. It is a complete waste of my time.

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